Number One Rule for Dating

Candy has lots of dating advice after dating hundreds of men over the years.  Her number one dating advice?  Trade pictures before meeting a blind date.

 

Here's what happened:

 

 

Excerpt from Asian Candy:

...Based on the email from Eden, we should never have kids with a man just because our clocks are ticking. I want to make sure the man I have kids with is in fact my Mr. Right. I have lots of experience in blind dating. The most essential thing to do before you meet any guy is to TRADE. This way, you both know what the other looks like, and it’ll save you the awkwardness. Not that pictures tell the whole story. Just as some men like skinny women, I prefer a full head of hair on a man. What can I say? The heart wants what the heart wants.

Once I agreed to meet a guy who was very vague about the way he looked. Toupee-Man. He said he saw my personal ad in a local Manhattan paper, back when it was design and created by a local romance writer. Look, I know nobody uses the paper anymore for dating, but I figured I’d give it a go. 

(Note to all women: be very wary of men you meet from freebie newspapers. They are so cheap they can’t even pay for a paper. What does that say about his dating habits?) 

            Now, when I saw the toupee on his head, I could not take my eyes off it. Now, his face was as stiff as porcelain, with very round dark shades. For a man who picked up the freebie paper, he wore a light blue suit that could have been top of the line five years ago maybe. But his toupee. It was light blonde, and obvious. Barely matched the dirty brown of his sideburns, which too have receded in the upper angles.

            I must have had a disgusted look on my face that offended him. After three minutes of small, he came clean with what he had to say.

            “Look,” he began, taking a pause. “I don’t think we’re a good match. I don’t want to waste your time. I’m sorry.”

            And that was it. He walked away. I was shocked. How could he say that to me? Most people go through a blind date just to be polite. What the hell was wrong with me? I’m not that bad looking. In fact, almost everyone tells me how pretty I am. To toot my own horn some more, just how bad can a twenty-something Chinese girl look? One who especially gets pricey haircuts, wears designer clothes (thank you, sample sales), elegant diamond jewelry (thank you, former boyfriends), and works out often (thank you, gym).

Well, it took me a long time to get over that incident.  I had much to learn.  Chemistry is often not about how beautiful you are.  It’s a reaction between two people. A reaction that makes them want to be together.  It’s about sex, baby. Pure. Simple. Sex.

Really. I’m not bad looking. I don’t know why Toupee-Man told me we couldn’t go through with the blind date. Even my dermatologist tells me I’m beautiful! And trust me, he’s one of those blunt New Yorkers who say what’s on his mind and cuts to the chase.

When he first saw me, he lifted up and said, “You are just beautiful.” While working, he’d say, “You are too pretty to have acne on your face. And stop eating spicy food. All you Orientals keep eating spicy foods.”

I didn’t bother to correct him by saying Asian. He had an air of authority about him. Plus, I couldn’t think of a better dermatologist who could cure my acne.